I have always seen myself as a great partner. I’m smart, relatively funny, some people find me attractive. I can talk to anybody about anything. I have a generous nature. I’m a great hostess. I have good taste (however you define that). And most importantly, I believe in and support my partner and their dreams. And I expect them to do the same.
My dreams have varied over the years. And I have been somewhat single-minded over the years in pursuit of those dreams. I have pursued them with enthusiasm and a true belief in my ability to achieve them. Although things do not always work out the way that I intended, I expect credit for the effort. Over the 20+ years that I have been in relationships, this has been enough. Or it has until recently, until I got married.
Being married is creating the opportunity for me to see myself in a different light. I am someone’s wife and I want to be a good one. So, I shop for organic food and make meals that are healthy and nourishing. I even do my own dishes afterwards. I wear my hair the way she likes. I even changed my name. While all of these things are wonderful, they are not necessarily something to build a future on.
Marriage is about more than looking good, being charming and sex. Yes it is also about love, that’s a given. While all of that’s important, stability is also very important. Up until now, no one has ever really expected more from me. This “I tried it and oh well it didn’t work” approach is not really something to help create a stable household. The constant shifting and changing is not something that you can really build a future on. When you get married, stability is necessary. It can help you make plans for your future. Adjusting to that need for stability has been challenging. It never occurred to me that I would have to offer my wusband stability. She’s so steady and strong.
Then we started talking about moving. My wusband is a responsible, trustworthy person. She doesn’t like to fly by the seat of her pants. I have always lived like it’s the only way to fly. I wasn’t worried about appearing unstable to banks because she’s so stable. It never occurred to me that she would look to me for assurance that we were in this together. I figured, I’m standing here right next to you. I MARRIED you. What could be more reassuring than that? Answer: a steady income.
Up to this point, I have treated my writing almost like a hobby. I have a regular column in an LGBT paper in Colorado (http://outfrontonline.com/body-mind/robyn-vie-carpenter/couple-to-couple/). This has been a lot of fun, I’ve met incredible people and fulfilled a life long dream of being a published writer. That was enough for me. I get to legitimately say that I am a writer and have a reason to ask all kinds of questions of total strangers. I have loved doing it and figured I would stop when it stopped being fun. It has been the equivalent of a store that rich women open so they can get their clothes wholesale and when no one shops there, they close it. It was nice while it lasted.
So when I started thinking about what I could DO to reassure my wusband, I realize that I love writing. I am not just a writer because they let me. I’m a writer because, I AM A WRITER. I don’t need to do something, I already am something. So, I’ve made a decision. I’m stepping up my game. I’m throwing my hat in the ring. I am going to be able to create stability for my wusband by sticking with this and letting it take me as far as it can.
It feels good to be able to be something instead of just do something. Plus, think of all of the cool people I’ll get to meet and tell you about! I love it!